Perfectionism: Battering Minds, Marriages, & Millenials for Decades ~ It’s Time to Let Scars Show and Missteps Lead the Way

GoodTherapy defines perfectionism as “the need to be or appear to be perfect, or even to believe that it’s possible to achieve perfection.” Medical News Today warns about socially prescribed perfectionism, which is when “individuals believe their social context is excessively demanding, that others judge them harshly, and that they must display perfection to secure approval.” Research links perfectionism to anxiety, depression, suicide (especially among college students), risk of bipolar disorder, high blood pressure, cardiovascular disease and among other things, the death of marriages.

According to Dr. David Hawkins, Director of the Marriage Recover Center and author of over 30 books, “It is well understood that perfectionism is a primary killer of relationships. The perfectionist often expects more from others than they expect from themselves. At the very least perfectionists see faults in another, amplifies them, while minimizing their own weaknesses. This combination is lethal to a marriage.”

Another example of perfectionism’s deathly grip is an article entitled Perfection is destroying the mental health of my millennial generation, published two years ago this month, January 2018. The article hits the nail on the head on many different levels,

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Quitter’s Day: The Graveyard of New Year’s Resolutions

Research shows that the second Friday of January is the average day by which New Year’s resolution motivation skids to a halt. That day is termed Quitter’s Day.

Wow. The term ‘quitter’ is aggressive. Although it may technically describe what’s happening, the stopping of a behavior, that word summons negativity like a plague summons death.

The American Psychological Association claims 93% of people make New Year’s resolutions. If the majority of those 93% start to throw their New Year’s resolution in the trash by the second week,

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Gummy Vitamins: Less Yabba Dabba Doo, More Yabba Dabba Don’t

“I do not recommend gummy vitamins.”

The moment my children’s dentist said this my mind raced to the container of Flintstones gummy vitamins sitting in my kitchen cabinet, now feeling more like contraband than an amazing start to my children’s day. Although it occurred to me over the years that the gummy vitamins clearly resembled sugary fruit snacks, I gave them to my children diligently every morning because I believe in the power of vitamins and didn’t question the mighty moneymaking machine that is the gummy vitamin train.

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Happiness: It’s Not on the Takeout Menu

If my wife would make shorter honey-do lists, I’d be happier.
If my husband would plan more dates, I’d be happier.
If my boss promoted me, I’d be happier.
If I lost weight, I’d be happier.
If my savings account was greater, I’d be happier.
If my children visited more, I’d be happier.
If my kitchen were bigger, I’d be happier.
If I could turn back time and make different choices, I’d be happier.

How many times throughout the day is our hope for happiness placed on a flawed source?

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Fear & Food: The Cohabitation that Morphs from Well-Meaning to Destructive

Food is fuel.
You are what you eat.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away.

There are a number of sayings centered around food and although they are often created with the intention of motivating someone to live their best life, they can make people obsess about food in a destructive way.

Many people grow up with an understanding that the food consumed is directly related to the quality of life maintained. School preaches the importance of fruits,

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The Question We Ask But Aren’t Ready to Field: How are you?

The bedroom door creaks open, reminding Ava her mom is listening.

“Sweetheart,” mom says, “what’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” her ten-year-old, Ava, says through a forced smile as she walks across her room to hug her mom. “Everything is great. Can we go make pancakes?”

Ava loves her mom. For as long as Ava can remember, her mom has bent over backward to provide everything she needs. From staying up late sewing patches on her jeans to making sure every peanut butter sandwich in her lunch box is crustless and heart-shaped,

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Are you ready for the knock at the door?

Like a scientist peering through a microscope’s ocular lens, she focuses her attention on finding alien cells that threaten to invade and destroy.

Like Wonder Woman deflecting bullets with her metal bracelets, she protects the body from viruses and bacteria.

Like the anticipation we felt as children on Christmas Eve, we only miss her when she’s gone.

Who is she, you ask?

She’s your immune system, and understanding her better and giving her what she needs may be all that stands between you and cold and flu season survival. 

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FEAST, FORGIVE, REFOCUS Strategize a Guilt-Free Holiday Season

‘Twas the day after Thanksgiving, when all through my body, not a nutrient or vitamin sat, 
not even a natural sugar or nutritious healthy fat.
The sweats were pulled from the drawer with haste, 
with prayers that my newly ill-fitting buttoned pants represented a temporary mistake. 
The pies were foiled and put in the fridge, 
plotting their sugary attack with their perfectly formed pastry ridge.
And hubby in his recliner, and I on my chaise lounge, 
began to mentally wrestle with the amount of food consumed for which none we had to scrounge.

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Slip on Your Holiday Armor: Combatting Post-Holiday Depression is a Battle You Can Win

Like a deflated balloon dragging behind a child, many meet the post-holiday months feeling lifeless and without the sense of purpose, they had just days before.

October through December homes fill with a bustle of activity. Decorating. Shopping. Baking. Cooking. Wrapping. Party-planning. Gift-giving. Visiting. Hosting. School and work events. Social calendars make even the most introverted look like social butterflies with bullhorns. These social calendars give us moments that lift us up and moments that reminded us why family isn’t always defined by the branches on a family tree.

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The Truths We Can’t Seem To Rectify: Inactivity Leads to Physical, Emotional, Mental, & Financial Pain

2009CRCHealth.com reports that nearly 25% of U.S. adults know inactivity is a massive problem for children.2012DiabtetesInControl.com reminds readers that 2000 began with over 60% of American adults failing to be regularly physically active, and a quarter of them not exercising at all.2017USAToday.com releases an article entitled Kids’ inactivity rises, creating ‘health care time bomb.’2018ScienceDaily.com releases a report that compares lifestyles throughout 49 countries from 6 continents. They discover that, overall, children around the world are not physically active enough to maintain healthy growth and development. … Continued

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