For years, Nichole struggled with feelings of panic, rage, elation, depression, and distraction. They affected her relationships, and made it difficult to manage her own mind. Truehope has made a difference in her life, and today she feels in control.
For the first time in my life I feel in control of my mind. The way I felt before can be compared to a person running to catch up to a car, trying to control it from a distance, but it’s always out of reach and doing things independent of me before I can catch up to it to stop it. That car was my mind.
Now I feel like I and the car are one; I am driving and in control. I am not speeding out of control, or broken down and smoking from the hood, but just driving at a normal pace. If I speed up to get something done, I don’t run myself ragged or feel pushed and pressured from behind with a panicky feeling.
That is the first and most profound difference I’ve noticed. Panic is gone.
I had my first panic attack as a child, but my dad and I assumed it was because of the pressure of enrolling in a new school. In the middle of enrolling, I rushed out to the parking lot crying. We sat in his car as he tried to talk to me. All I knew was I had to get out of there. As an adult, I would have that same sensation to varying degrees every day.
I also am not obsessing over thoughts. I used to have constant music playing in my head, a song, or a jingle or a movie theme. I know it’s good to have a song in your heart but this was ridiculous and aggravating to me.
Antidepressants magnified it times ten. I also had white patches on my arms from them, and a lot of hair loss, so I decided to quit taking them. Now I am not losing nearly the amount of hair that I used to.
I still notice the music every now and then, but the difference is it’s not there all the time and it’s not constantly repeating itself and drowning out my other thoughts. I can concentrate.
I used to feel noticeably uncomfortable sitting with people. I would shift around and look nervous. I hated going out to eat because it was hard to sit still and have a conversation. Also my thoughts would constantly shift. I couldn’t clean the house because I would be in one room then go to another and get distracted and work on something else; whereas before, I knew it I got hardly anything done except for a lot of grumbling. I had an excuse for every one of these behaviors. I rationalized all of them, and just called myself unique or quirky.
I felt like a severe outcast everywhere I went, and paranoid. My only relief from this while growing up was athletics.
My personality didn’t stay the same for longer than a couple months at a time, and I was constantly trying to reinvent myself, throwing out clothes and once cherished items, redecorating the house. I know these are normal in moderation, but I took it to extremes. I didn’t seem to want to hold onto anything that reminded me of me.
At times I complained about everything in my life, from the heat in the summer to my neighborhood to the news to God knows what. I couldn’t control it. I wonder how everyone felt being around me when I was like that. My husband and my mother got the worst end of it.
I was either elated or depressed, and I wished for death at times. Sometimes I put the thought out of my mind but other times my mood sunk lower because of it. I put on a happy face for my little daughter.
Growing up and as an adult, I used to rage. At certain times I would rage in my mind all day long. I said horrible things to my mother. The feeling of aggravation was overwhelming. The littlest thing would send me into a fit of frustration where I felt like I was going to crawl out of my skin. My hair felt like it was standing up at the roots. Nothing I tried to do to calm myself worked. I just had to wait for it to pass and it sometimes took days. I had to take a sedative, and had little memory of my life while on it.
Before, I would constantly check the clock, and I felt too rushed to even stop and eat. Other times, stress would wipe out my appetite. I was thinner than I wanted to be. Now when I feel hunger, I don’t ignore i; I eat, and the thought of food doesn’t make me nauseous.
I always had a suspicion that something was really wrong. I tried with all my power to live a normal, simple happy life, but all these behaviors would rear up again and tear my efforts back down. Each time I would rebuild and ‘get on track’, I’d tear it all down again. I hurt my loved ones with anger and criticism, rambling on and running over them much like I was being run over within myself.
Ever since I’ve been taking the nutritional supplements, those behaviors have gone away. Everything else I’ve tried from exercise to antidepressants to willpower didn’t help me maintain a healthy mind and body. Something is working for me in this supplement. I am so thankful that the developers took the time and effort to make this available after it showed promise within their family.
Thank you,
Nichole